Sunday, April 23, 2006

What to trim

Various patches of my body hair are getting a little bushy and scratchy and today may be a day to shave.

I am a gay man who learned about "manscaping" from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy as opposed to having a personal, innate homosexual sensibility about body hair maintenence. Since that life changing broadcast in 2004 where Kyan introduced the term to me, I must confess that I have 'scaped on a few occassions.

I have a hairy chest. Specifically, a hairy triangle of hair whose base runs along my clavicle to an apex just past my pecs. OK, I just checked the chest hair, and it's actually more of a rhombus than a triangle. Following the rhomboidal dense patch, the chest hair takes a little break in my mid torso, with just a few softer threads running vertically down the center - and then spreading out again around my belly. It is this density blend that leads me to describe myself as "moderately hairy." Chest hair has been such an integral part of me that it often appears unconsciously in multiple plays, and is also a staple joke I use whenever I perform in an interactive murder mystery.

The only time I have ever fully shaved my chest was for a championship swim tournament in high school, where the entire boys team gathered at one house to shave all the hair from their bodies. Teambuilding, they called it back then. These days, I just trim the upper chest hair back every few months or so. BUT NEVER TOO MUCH! The intent is to never reveal that the hair has been manipulated at all, though I guess that intent is being udermined by discussing it in a blog. Point is, I don't want to look like I shaved. Just a wee bit less naturally hairy.

Why do I do this? I'm not sure, though I think the best explanation I can give is that it's another useful procrastination tool when trying to write a play. I am proud of my body hair, much like other people are proud of their lawns, and I suppose a little mowing isn't succumbing too much to the mainstream gay paradigm of beauty (the mainstream gay paradigm of beauty, for you straight people out there, is a smooth sculpted chest dripping sultry oils made from leftover batches of Crystal Meth).

So, in the apartment we have the Conair clipper as well as Mark's Norelco razor with beard trimmer option, (and of course my Mach 3 razor, non-turbo option). The Conair clipper features attachments that give you certain inches of distance from your, let's say, chest, protecting you from any nasty razor cuts. The only problem is that this attachment isn't exactly designed for wirey chest hair and requires multiple passes over the torsal area to make a significant dent into the hedge. While this process does feel like being deligtfully scratched over and over again, it does take time and patience.

And that's today's blog lesson: Patience is important when you want to make something the best it can be.

I did nick my scrotum once with the Norelco. Lesson learned.


Blogger Enrique Urueta said...

Nicked scrotum? Bloody Teabag, Batman!

12:32 PM  
Blogger Pedro said...

Very instructive ¬°Joder!

2:16 PM  

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