Friday, May 18, 2007

May is for goodbyes

Seems to be a lot of people leaving jobs, the public eye, and the world this month:

Farewell, Sally G, from your esteemed overworked position as KML's Executive Director. May the next job bring better hours, benefits, and dancing nude men delivering free Odwallas just like they used to in the late 90's.

Take care, Network Season Television, and thanks for all the good episodes and events during the sweeps months. I'm sort of looking forward to Survivor, China next year. I'm glad Lost doesn't really kick in until February.

It was good while it lasted, Plastic Bags at Supermarkets in San Francisco, but it looks like you'll be taking your leave soon. I will miss your handles that don't fall off like the ones on paper bags. I will miss your wisshhhhywishhhy noise. I will miss throwing you in the air and catching you in my mouth, pretending like I'm a leatherback sea turtle hunting jellyfish.

Goodbye to you, Paul W., from your recent banking position. I hope this gives you time to reconcile differences between you and your estranged brother, Dennis Kucinich.

And goodbye to you as well, Alberto G, oh wait you haven't left. Hey I know you can't right now but when you're outta there, I'm up for some more hot phone talk. NSA be damned!

Finally, Hasta Luego, Jerry F. and congratulations on moving on from your job as Chief Hater at your Virginia Hatin' Place to your new position somewhere in the afterworld. Which I hope, for your sake, exists. And if it does exist, I hope, for your sake, that the real God is more merciful than yours was.